Differences among us

Once upon a time, a prim and proper lady visited her doctor’s office. She walked up to the receptionist who sat behind a glass window and sported a series of piercings around her ear. “How could you defile your body like that? I could never deface myself like you have you. Things were different when I was your age.”

As she sat in the waiting room for her turn to see the doctor, she observed a young man walk in and take a seat. He wore jeans ripped at the knees, a T-shirt with a picture of an obscene gesture on it, untied work boots, and uncombed hair. “How dare you show up to a place of business looking like that. Have you no decency? I would never go out in public like that. Things were different when I was young.”

She continued pronouncing her displeasure with each new addition to the growing number of people waiting to see the doctor. Finally, a door opened, a nurse stuck her head in and called the lady’s name. “It’s about time I’m seen. If you aren’t going to see people at their appointed times, why make appointments. I’d never have allowed people to wait unnecessarily. Things would be different if I was in charge.”

Finally, she sees the doctor. He asks what brings her to see him today. “I keep having these terrible headaches and nothing helps.” Having heard her complaints through the office walls he considered for a moment and then told her, “I see the problem. Your halo is too tight.”

Do you ever fall into the trap of judging people you meet, without knowing any more than how they look. In the world of public speaking, we often find ourselves having to remind ourselves that what we say is not always what people hear. For that reason, we choose our words carefully. Equally carefully we also choose our tone, pace, and gestures. Even then, there are times when we are misunderstood. And even then, there are times when we misjudge others.

If it is possible for even those so cognizant of the ease of which others can misunderstand us, why do we then fall into the trap of misjudging others? And why would we not expect others to misjudge us?

It is certainly not our job to pass judgement on others. How people dress, talk, style their hair, choose their words, or otherwise present themselves to the world is first, their choice, and second, rarely solely reflective of their thoughts and feelings. But therein lies also another problem. The receptionist or young man or nurse or doctor who themselves don’t assume responsibility for their interpretation.

There is a truism among successful salespeople that if you want to make a sale, you sell the results, not the product. The successful real estate agent will paint the picture of you entertaining in your new living room, not bore you with the room dimensions or type of padding under the carpet. The successful car salesman describes how you will feel behind the wheel of that car, not how many miles you can drive before needing to fuel up.

We too sell ourselves. To be accepted for who we are, we need to let others see our results, what we bring to them. We must let others know what they are going to look like, feel like, be like when we are part of their world.

Who is really at fault for mishandling their first impressions? The lady with the too tight halo who cannot see beyond the initial impression and judges based on her thoughts and feelings. Or those around her who trap their inner selves within a shell, not reaching out with their true identities. Or perhaps both.

Yes, we are not here to pass judgement on others and would do the world well to get to know those we share time and space with. And yes, if we want not to be dismissed as unworthy, we would do well to open ourselves to others we share time and space with. You might even say that we all need to be more aware of our neighbors and our neighborhoods and learn to work together no matter how different we seem to be. Because when you get right to it, we really aren’t all that different.